You Deserve Respect

You never think that after knowing a man for six years and being in a relationship with him for months, he’ll suddenly turn into an abuser.

You never think that after knowing a man for six years and being in a relationship with him for months, he’ll suddenly turn into an abuser.

It happened to me.

In high school, he was my Prince Charming. He adored me and made me feel beautiful. He was always respectful of me, asking permission even to just give me a hug. Well, we got back together this past September. I’m 20 and he is 24. We had been living together for a while. He told me I was beautiful every day. He bought me small gifts at least once a month. He complimented my cooking. He hugged me, kissed me. Said he would die without me in his life, and he needed me. That I was special, and the most important thing in his life.

He didn’t let me talk to my friends. He monitored all of my contact with my family. He never let me go anywhere without him. He read my texts before I could even get a chance to. He opened my mail. He made me take all of my phone calls on speaker. He told me what to say on the phone and in texts to my parents, and if I didn’t say exactly what he told me, I was subject to verbal and sometimes physical abuse. He took all of my paychecks, even though I was the only one working. He told me I needed him because I was horrible at making decisions, I was a terrible driver, I was unable to take care of myself, and I was emotionally unstable. (I now realize that the first three things there were untrue, and the third was only true because he caused it.) He accused me of cheating on him when I got home from work 10 minutes late (one of the very few times he let me go alone). If I didn’t cook him at least two meals a day, I was made to feel guilty and inferior, like I wasn’t doing enough to provide for him. If I didn’t want to have sex when he did, I was cruel and unloving. He called me stupid, useless, and pathetic. He cursed at me. He sold my musical instruments and broke my furniture. He threw books, bottles, and shoes at me. He slapped me in the face. He pushed me down. He kicked me in the ribs. He choked me. He threatened me with a knife. He held the knife to my throat. He threatened to kill himself and me if I left him. When he became violent, he would take my phone away from me so I couldn’t call for help. He made it impossible for me to escape.

I finally managed to sneak a note out to my parents in my mom’s Mother’s Day card, and they came with the police and rescued me from my living hell, my own place that I had been allowing him to share with me. I filed a protection order against him. I’m now staying with my parents and driving two hours to work so I can keep my job. I’m terrified he’s going to come after me or my parents for revenge. I constantly look over my shoulder, and I cry at least every hour.

Domestic abuse ruins lives. I could have died. Many people in these situations aren’t as lucky as I was.

You never think it will happen to you. But someday, it might. Be prepared and get out of there at the FIRST signs of abuse. Don’t wait until it escalates to life-threatening. Please.

If you are in a situation like this, or if you need help deciding if your situation is abusive, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I know what you are going through. At the very least, I can listen and be a virtual shoulder to cry on.

safespot:

What Safe Spot is: A safe haven for abuse survivors, those currently in abusive situations, and friends&loved ones of those who have or are suffering abuse.

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